you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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