Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
