yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
