you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize