Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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