My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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