remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
