also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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