...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
