it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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