This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You took a bar mat shot.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
