I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
