well you can't waste a boner
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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