Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
