Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize