So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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