South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He has the fingertips of a God
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