I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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