tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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