Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
