tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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