so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
