fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
