I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
