Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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