I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
