There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
