The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
