Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
