hotel room ftw
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
