I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
