Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
