I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
