you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
