Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Houston, we have a blender
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
