This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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