Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
