That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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