I cockslap morals
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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