im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
