need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
