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So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize