And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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