Whod you bang
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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