he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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