My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
