Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
