every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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