I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
