so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We need a shit load of segways right now
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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