I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
