Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
did you just send me my own nude
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
