her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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