I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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