Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
