I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
is wine microwaveable?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
