Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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