Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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