My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
