today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
