I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
