Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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