He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
