life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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