Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
